Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
