after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
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I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
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Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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