So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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