my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
