Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
