I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
