Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.

(303): View more from Colorado

oh and he was serious.

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(845): View more from New York

This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.

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(410): View more from Maryland

i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.

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(760): View more from California

double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors

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(604): View more from British Columbia

The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.

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