Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
