I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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