Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
