I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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