please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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