why didn't you poke me back
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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