Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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