Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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