I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
