Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
