I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize