i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
