just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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