i permit you to call me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
