i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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