and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
