Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
