No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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