If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You need a sexual gate keeper
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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