Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
