Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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