I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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