you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize