You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I need to stop coming to work sober
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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