How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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