i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
