My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
