I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
