I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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