As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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