Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
