Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
