Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
