I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Panties = found
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