the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
