just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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