guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
