Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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