she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
