My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
