I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
