Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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