You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
