he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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