I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
