I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize