Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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