yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
