If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
