Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it's like iHOP with fire
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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