you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
