Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
