i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
