Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
