Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
