I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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