just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
