Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
