he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
