we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
